Kabali and the teaser da!

(This post was first published on the satire website theunrealtimes.com on 22nd June, 2016 as a satirical piece when the Kabali teaser became a smashing hit!)


Kabali producers decide to cancel the release of the film and release the same as many “teasers”

In a first for the entire film industry, V. Creations, the producers of the upcoming Superstar Rajinikant’sfilm Kabali have decided to cancel the release of the film. In a press conference yesterday evening in Chennai attended by the Super Star himself, Kalaipuli Thanu, the producer of the film said, “After due considerations and looking at the fantastic response from all over the world for the 2 teasers of the film Kabali, we have decided against releasing the full film. Instead, we will from now on release 1 minute teasers every 15 days for the next 2 years.” This is a first for the entire film industry on a worldwide basis. The producer explained the rationale behind this new innovative move in detail:

1. “We noticed that the response to the 2 teasers has been fantastic. In fact, the number of views for each of the teasers far exceeds the total number of people who watched Lingaa and Kochadaiyaan put together across the world.

2. We want the fans of the Super Star to enjoy the star power of Rajinikant for 2 years and not just for 1 or 2 weeks. If it’s a full film, the excitement of the film dies after a month or so. This is total injustice to the star power of the Super Star. By chunking the film and releasing it in as many 2 minute teasers fans can get to see different aspects of the star, his punch dialogues, songs,.. for one full year.

3. Also we believe we can do our bit to improve the usage of Tamil words among today’s youth by introducing one word like “Neruppuda” and “Magizhchi” in every teaser. We notice that today’s kids who otherwise don’t speak Tamil, have caught on to these words, which is helping the growth of Tamil as a language.  Accordingly we appeal to our CM Honourable Amma to exempt the earnings from this movie from all the taxes and cesses.”

When asked what will happen to the distributors and the areas/rights sold, the producers said that they will be making full refund of the booking amounts to the distributors immediately.

Trade insiders say that this move is a very smart one based on completely commercial considerations. When the film is released, being a south Indian film, it can at best gross about Rs 150 cr if it’s a super hit. On the other hand if the film meets the same fate as Super star’s last release Lingaa, it may end up grossing less than 50 cr. Looking at the massive response to the 2 teasers in terms of number of views, the producers are confident that each of the teaser will get a min of 20 million hits going forward. So they have struck a deal with YouTube/Google and their advertisers whereby the net earnings will be easily in excess of what they would earn in a theater release. This also absolves them of a Lingaa type situation where they have to face the ire of the distributors in case the film tanks after such a huge hype.

Also by this they will mitigate the risk of what happened to the Hindi film Udta Punjab which was leaked online a week before release. If that can happen to a normal film like Udta Punjab, for a Super star film the chances of such things are very high which will put the entire Tamil film industry at risk.

Meanwhile, the All India meme producers association secretary said that they are extremely delighted about this development as their members can keep releasing Kabali memes for 2 years!

(Reported by Citizen Satirist Anand Kumar. He tweets here.)


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